Introduction
Young adults today are holding on to adolescents far longer than previous generations. There is a large increase in the number of full-grown children, but the blame for this is the parents who raised them to be children. It is true, these individuals have personal responsibility and should grow up on their own, but the role of the parent is to prepare their child for adulthood. This means getting rid of childish ways and childish thinking. The problem is many parents find childish behavior to be cute and prolong the childish ways of their children. If we are to raise our children to prepare them to raise the next generation, then we must throw away the crutches.
A Crutch of Your Own Making
One unfortunate trait I have passed on to my daughter is getting migraines. If you have ever had a migraine, they are a terrible ordeal. You have so much pain in your head that often you will throw up from it. My daughter has gotten several over the years, but one time she got a migraine while working on schoolwork. Since my wife and I were understanding that she wouldn’t be able to concentrate well with a migraine, we sent her to rest for a couple of hours. The lesson my daughter picked up from this is, “if I say I have a migraine, I can get out of my schoolwork.” The good news for my wife and I is that it is quite simple to spot it when she is lying about having a migraine to get out of work. Our daughter discovered that if she has an excuse, she can get her way, provided that we believe her excuse.
This excuse is a crutch, and many parents raise their children with multiple crutches. These crutches serve two purposes. First, they can be an excuse to get out of something, like work or responsibility. Second, they can be an excuse after the fact for why work or other responsibilities were not completed. My daughter does get migraines, and it will at times hinder her from getting things done, just as it does for me. However, that means she has to plan and be prepared for migraine to occur. Instead of falling behind because migraines occur, she will need to take care of her responsibilities ahead of time, especially since stress can bring on migraines. Just like when you have crutches, you don’t plan to use it for the rest of your life, but you allow your body to heal, rebuild the strength in your leg, and throw out the crutch.
What many parents do is make their child dependent on the crutch. They tell their child things such as, “well, you have ADHD, so you can’t focus as well as the other children.” Any mental or physical disability becomes an excuse the parent gives to the child for their bad behavior or their lack of motivation. Now their child has learned to use the crutch, and they become an adult and continue to repeat the line. They become adults who can’t function in the real world because it doesn’t fit their personal capabilities. We see this all around, especially in colleges.
Learning To Walk On Their Own
The goal as a parent is to teach your child to get rid of the crutch so they can walk on their own. They may still have to live with whatever ails them, but they don’t have to use it as an excuse for their behavior or their work ethic. They can learn to prepare to thrive despite their challenge, no matter how big or small. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” While Paul is talking about spiritual maturity in the verse the implication is that in everyday situations our goal is to become less childish as we grow up. It should be the case that every Christian parent raises their child towards this maturity, which will include physical and spiritual maturity. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Every child must learn to live with any struggles they have and not allow that struggle to define them. When they grow old, they will continue to do this and be far more productive without excuses.
This training is necessary for a society to function well. Each person must be able to support themselves as an individual as much as possible. This enables them to help others who are in need. If you have been raised to believe you have a problem that others must cater to, you are going to be someone that takes and takes rather than someone who gives. If you have been raised to believe your issues are something to conquer, then they won’t get in the way when others come to you. This does not mean that we all need to be pure individualists. Instead, what is required for strong communal living is individuals who can contribute to that community. Each person brings something to the table while they can, and when they run into a situation where they truly need assistance, then the rest of the community is able to step in.
When adults maintain a childish way of viewing the world, they are going to expect the world to revolve around them. They will be entitled, and the blame for their problems will always fall on others. It is the rich who are at fault! It is the teachers who don’t understand! If only the world was more kind and caring! They perpetually sit in a state of self-pity. Teach your child to walk on their own. They can thrive despite the obstacles, and they don’t need to brag about overcoming the obstacles. Everyone has them, and everyone that has accomplished anything in life has their share of hurdles that they jumped.
Conclusion
We now live in a generation where adolescence is prolonged into the late twenties and early thirties. There are jokes about millennials not caring about work, or constantly making excuses. We are called the participation trophy generation. What is often left out is that it was the parents of the millennials giving out those participation trophies. We have to raise our children better. Prepare them for the real world. Teach them economics, civil dialogue, independence, and as many life skills as possible while they are young. It is time to stop holding our children’s hands until they leave our homes so they can walk on their own out the door.